I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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