have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
