i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
