glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
