Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
