lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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