I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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