My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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