All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize