Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
