hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
