We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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