Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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