apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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