just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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