Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
