i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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