I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
