Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
