How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
