If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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