my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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