You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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