Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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