and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
