Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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