That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
