I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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