Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
