that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
