3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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