You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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