he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I smell stomach acid.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
