The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
