How'd it feel making her break her religion?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
