the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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