I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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