My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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