I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ketchup is God's man juice
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His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
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Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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