Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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