we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
