He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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