If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
