Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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