maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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