I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
