Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That was an excessively violent trivia night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
