So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
