He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I forget how to act sober
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
