his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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