ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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