He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
