hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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