Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
