letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
