Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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