did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
