you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
