You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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