Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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