I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
