Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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