Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
