My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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