remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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