ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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