he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
we're so committed to being not committed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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