i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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