I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize