I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
